BIAJI who?

Okay people, prepare yourself, because you are about to read some serious awesomeness, written by a very talented me about ME! (like DUHHH!!!)

Name: 

Biaji the GREAT! (and yes, that’s my real name)

Mental Status:

Pineapple!

Vocal Status:

Be-sura!

Creativity:

-2% to be precise.

Patience Status:

Non-Existent

Favorite Quotes:

“A little Bongi goes a long way.”

“Everything in this world is either a potato or not a potato.”

“Mein hoon Jerry, tum ho Tom… www . google . com!”

Allergies:

Anything that requires work.

Fax:

Oh sure, cause I am obviously living in the 17th century.

Specialty:

Wasting time without feeling even an ounce of regret.

Residence:

Anywhere in Godric’s Hollow or Hosgmeade.

Awards: 

Academy Award for Awesome People, awarded in 837. (You weren’t born then, and you were most certainly not invited to the ceremony, so don’t argue with me on that.)

Favorite Books:
  1. Big Bear’s Glasses
  2. Big Bear’s Party
  3. Barney’s Big Balloon
  4. Adam’s Car…

(They are considered English Literature Classics by people of a very high intellect, you obviously wouldn’t know!)

Many people are born with special talents, and so am I. Unlike anybody on the face of this Earth, I am proud to say that I can write, say and think anything that concerns with Bongi.

The word ‘Bongi‘ in literature by definition (my definition), means a masterpiece of intelligence and brilliance, showcasing one’s inner intellect, genius and awesomeness. While that is the simpler denotative meaning of the word, I would recommend you not to go into the connotative meaning, as people often say that ‘Bongi’ means anything ‘stupid’, and you obviously shouldn’t trust people, because people themselves are just a whole big pile of stupid.

Bonginess is a term that needs recognition, because I feel like people nowadays, and especially our youth, really needs to know this. Me and my team are planning on launching our own University called Bongi Honors Education and Natural Sciences, University, also known as, (drum roll please):

B.H.E.N.S University

(Awesome name, yeah, I know). With this university, in only five years, you will be able to irritate and bore not only your friends and family, but you neighbors, teachers, postman, shopkeepers, gardener, security guard, your nearest bank manager, policeman, hairdresser, astronaut, potato, onion, dhania, adrak, in short, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE YOU KNOW! You will be disgusting everyone with your amazing ability.

I stated my career as a professional something at the age of 4. I still remember the first time I saw my school. It was a huge building, and my parents were standing beside me. I was only four at that time, and quite a genius really because I remember looking at my school, where my destiny awaited me, and thinking… … … … … … … … … absolutely nothing. Seriously, what do you expect a four year old to think?

Well, ever since then, I started my process of learning how to be best at bongi. It’s hard work really, because every time you start thinking about serious and boring stuff, you have to go back, erase it, and re-think it in a bonga way. I believe that nobody, ever, got successful being lazy, but some genius people, like me, have become successful doing exactly just that. Everyone can study hard, get a degree, do a job, earn money, and have a happy life. It takes a brave person not to.

You see, success is variable. For me, having enough strength and time to hibernate for 48 hours straight, along with eating whatever, whenever I can, and having the ability of zoning out whenever I feel like, is what success is. As long as I have these abilities, and I practice them regularly, I consider myself the most successful person in the history of persons.

Instead of talking about my ACTUAL talent, I was just rambling on about my ‘by the way’ talents. Excuse me for that. My major talent, in which I did my pHD from ‘Altaf Hussain Pehelwaan University’ is Eating.

I eat a lot. I eat at all times of the day. I can eat after dinner, lunch or breakfast. I can eat, after just having eaten. I can eat, even when I don’t feel like eating. I can eat, even if that means I have to make my lazy self get up and make roti for myself. I can chomp loudly, and can even talk as I eat. I can wake up at three in the morning, and still eat in the condition in which I usually don’t even know who or what I am, or what the purpose of my glorious existence is.

I have started this blog, so that I can communicate with my fans, my water coolers and my air conditioners, who have supported me through out this journey, and show them the art of bongi, and it’s importance in mine, and everyone’s life.  You, my dear peasants and muggles, are being blessed with some serious excellence and awesomeness through the blogs of Queen Biaji the GREAT! her Majesty of the Royal Land of Hogwarts and it’s surroundings, and if you, even for a second, think that I was lying, exaggerating, or simply cracking jokes for the sake of humor, in this ‘ABOUT’ section of my awesome blossom blog, I swear to God, you are absolutely right!

WHAT? SO THIS WAS ALL A SHAM?

Nope-di-nope-nope.  You see, I am a perfectly normal human being who eats like a human, talks like a human, and writes like a human. I love to write and always encourage creative criticism (yeah, don’t even dare to!)

I am quite a boring person, so humor is all I have, pardon me for that. I can be serious at times, but that specifically means S.O.M.E.T.I.M.E.S. It’s not something I like to be on a regular basis, nor would you like to see me like that on a regular basis, because when i get serious… (you don’t even wanna know how that’ll affect your mental health, you will literally start questioning your existence!)

So go ahead, read, and enjoy!!!

“WASTING YOUR TIME WAS A HONOR!!!”

Meet you next week, same time, same channel,

Allah Hafiz!

(I’ll say this one day when I have my own TV show, Insha Allah!)

Biaji the GREAT!

 

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4 Replies to “BIAJI who?”

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